That. Was. HARD.
What the sweet heck was I thinking?
Listen, I am not an athlete. I have never been an athlete. I was, for a while, a runner, but I ran on a track with friends and we rewarded ourselves with donuts after our run. And it was in high school. And it was never 5K.
Lately I have been rocking the couch. For the first 4 months of this year rather exclusively, because I was so sick. There is a permanent Cole-sized imprint on our couch. And we weren't strangers before or after.
Which is part of why I find myself with many more pounds on my frame than I care for.
My life philosophy has generally been: why run when you can walk, why walk if you can stand, why stand if you can sit, why sit if you can lie down?
You think I'm using hyperbole, but I'm not.
I should probably be about 300 lbs with that life philosophy, but genetics have been good to me (Thanks Mom! Thanks Dad!). Still, since I hit 30 I've been packing the weight on at a rate of about 10lbs a year.
I turn 33 in two months.
It needs to stop.
Plus, have you been following Cathy Z? Very inspirational, and she makes it sound so simple. Eat less, move more. She's started a trend amongst my internet peeps and it's a good thing.
Just because all your internet friends are doing something doesn't mean it's a good idea for you!
I'm not running with anyone or partnering with anyone, so I'm going to bore you with a little online rambling. To make myself accountable to someone. Because it helps.
So Friday I decided I was doing this thing and even blogged about it. I was going to do it Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and do yoga or Pilate's on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, giving me Sundays off. Hubby came home Friday night and figured out the podcasts for me and loaded up the MP3 player. I was good to go Saturday morning! Yay!
Except...the kids and I went to the library Friday night. And I started this book. And I wanted to finish it. And....
I never ran Saturday morning.
But I had blogged about it, and I had told friends about it at a baby shower, so I kind of felt like I had to do it.
Today is Tuesday, so I had to run. Maybe.
It was raining! Maybe I should wait for a sunny day?
But no, I am fat and unfit, and was out of excuses. I had the time, the gear, the podcast.
And it stopped raining.
And I'd already told people I was doing it.
So I pulled on my sweats, tied on my sneakers, turned on the podcast, and swung out the door.
Here's how it went:
Brisk walk to warm up. Awesome. I love a nice brisk walk. Ok, the techno music is a little cheesy, but I like having a beat to pace to.
Woah! 5 minutes is up! Time for my first 60 second run.
Oh... Crap...I'm jiggling everywhere. I hope no one sees me. I think I need a better bra. And something for my butt. Do they make bum bras? What kind of underwear might hold some of the jiggling back?..Who cares? I'm going to die... How did I get THIS out of shape?...If a bad guy jumped out of the bushes right now I'd be toast...Double crap...Now I'm hyperventilating...What the? I know how to breathe! This is ridiculous! In, out. In, out. Slow down lungs!..I'm going to die...Is it 60 seconds yet?..I'm itchy. THIS is why I hate exercise. I always get so itchy...I'm allergic to exercise...Maybe it's my MH?...No one else ever gets itchy when they exercise. I know, I've polled people...Maybe I should have talked to the doctor before this bout of INSANITY...This is what comes of being a joiner!..Peer pressure...You should never give in to peer pressure. You shouldn't try to be like the cool kids. You're never going to be one of the cool kids....My legs! They are shaking!..I'm going to fall down. Down, down, down in the ditch, where I will die and they won't find my bones until spring...Is that a skunk? I don't see it, just smell it. That would cap it. Sprayed by a skunk as I kill myself trying to run...I'm not going to make it. I think I'm going to have to quit. Maybe I should only do 30 seconds of running. Maybe I should do Week One for 2 or 3 or 6 weeks before attempting Week Two...When did 60 seconds get so long? I think podcast man forgot to tell me to stop. I think this is a defective podcast. This music sucks. My ears hurt. My...
YES! I can walk again! Ok, breathing good, pace good. I survived! I'm a survivor! Hey, look at that! I wish I had the camera...
Run again? That SOOOOO wasn't 90 seconds!..Ok, in, out, in, out...Labour was easier than this...Car! Try to look like you're not about to stop and puke in the bushes...You're not, are you?...No. Good thing you didn't eat breakfast!...But thirsty...So thirsty...Throat hurts...LIps cracking...Mouth dry...Water...Water...Why didn't I bring water?...If I see another runner, I'm punching him and taking his water...Who am I kidding? I don't think I have any energy to put behind the punch...And they could out run me. EASY...Maybe I should stop at one of these houses and ask for a drink. I've met most, er, some of these people before. And everyone is always very nice. It's a neighbourly sort of place. They'd give me a little sip of water, surely?...Or maybe I should just run into the lake. Then I could stop itching and have a drink...I wonder if I should drink the lake water though? Is it safe? Have there been tests? Have...
Oh. Walking again. Wow. That 60 seconds wasn't nearly as bad as the first! Walking. Brisk walk? How about a stroll? I can do a stroll, but I can't manage a brisk walk any more.
And so on...I won't try to remember everything. After that 2nd run interval my brain settled down and there was a lot less internal dialog. Maybe it was a zen-like state of peace and focusing on my breathing. More likely it was survival mode. My running intervals turned into a slow jiggly jog, with lots of panting and the odd random thought like "why am I doing what this guy says? who made him the boss of me". My walking turned into a plod. I might have fallen down and crawled, except I was pretty sure my arms wouldn't hold me and I'd just fall on my face.
The best moment probably came as I was walking home (cool down time) and spotted a bear track in the mud: "Bear track? Why didn't I see that on my way out? Is it fresh? If I'm going to be eaten by a bear, why can't it be at the start of this torture instead of the end?"
Ok, maybe that was the second best. The best was when the skies opened up and it started raining on me as I ran.
Thank you, Lord. I needed that!
Eventually, I made it home, everything shaking, head light, ears sore, mouth dry. I did some stretches, drank some water, had a shower, and wondered if I'd live to try again on Thursday.
TO SUM UP:
Day One: Run complete.
How I feel: Like a bowl full of jelly. That someone keeps hitting with a spoon just to laugh at.
Why I ran: Ultimately, because I told Hubby I was going to as he was leaving for work. As soon as I told him, he got that gleam in his eye, and then bent close to whisper in my ear something about being all wet and...well, it was for my ears only. But I haven't really seen that gleam in his eye of late. That gleam propelled me straight down the road and kept me going instead of quitting. If it was just for my health, I honestly think I would have given up. But for that gleam I pushed forward. For that gleam I think I'll be able to do it again on Thursday. 'Cause I kind of like that guy. And that gleam.
Changes: I wish I'd started with a walking program before this C25K thing. Because going directly from the couch to running? Not good. I'm going to add a daily walk in to my program, even on Sundays. I'll keep going on the C25K, because, hey, I didn't die today. And stopping will feel too much like quitting. But I'll admit I worry about Thursday, when my muscles are sure to protest. I may have to do Week One twice. I'll decide after Saturday's run. Also, the eat less part needs to be re-evaluated. I don't think just eating less is going to do it. When I stripped off to get in the shower, I started gagging from the smell of my own sweat. It was seriously nasty and did NOT smell healthy. I think I may have to do a detox and then overhaul the entire diet. Certainly less meat.
I have no idea how to end this giant ramble. Thanks for listening. Feel free to advise or commiserate in the comments.