We need to talk.
January, you know I respect you. Your beauty, your might, the opportunities you bring. Every year I try to be friends with you, to enjoy having you around and share the joy of winter with you.
But you're capricious, January. To quote Katie Perry, "you're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no". Last year I thought you and I parted on friendly terms. We'd shuffled along together ok, not perfectly, but I really thought we'd come to a better understanding.
Why did you turn on me?
I know we have a history January. Admit it--when I was a teen you were cruel. You did some things that hurt me, and I bad-mouthed you to my friends. But in university we were close. We were happy. We apologized to each other, we told people we were ready to forget the past. We got along. I won't lie and pretend you were my best friend, but we were tight, remember? I thought we were really building on something--and then you turned on me again. It's been downhill from there. I think it's worse because you had taught me to trust you, and now when you let me down it just hurts all the more. Every time I think we've got it figured out you pull the rug out from under me. I miss our friendship, the way we got along in those good old days. I wish you would remember the way I do. I wish you would honour our happy past.
I don't like to point fingers or pass blame, but January, I think we could be friends again if you would just take a good hard look at your relationship with February. I know you're close. I know you think he's your best friend, but I have to tell you--February is only using you. You don't want to hear it, you don't want to know how cruel he can be. I know you've formed a bond, an alliance, and I've even noticed that this year you've been trying to get December to join you. I just don't think you understand what you're getting into, the nature of the beast you're choosing to spend all of your time with. Only evil can come from February, and I emplore you to get out while you still can. Don't be a part of February's Axis of Evil. Don't let him go there! You can still be a pleasant month, I know you can!
January, I am extending the hand of friendship to you. I am emploring you to choose good over evil, to give love and peace and joy a chance. Don't let February turn you sour, the world can be a beautiful place if you could only tune February out. He whispers lies and half-truths in your ear. His flattery is false, and his ways bring only heartache and discouragement. He'll suck the life right out of you.
While you're thinking on my offer, you might also let February know that I can see him there, lurking behind corners and using you as a shield. I know full well of the weapons of mass destruction that he's stockpiling, of his plans for me and my downfall. You can let February know that I have plans of my own, and that even if he unleashes his full might, I will outlast him. I'll still be standing when he's done, and he'll never beat me. His days are numbered, and I've got allies of my own.
You might want to get in on that January, instead of always trying to bring me down. Don't be February's tool. Do your own thing!