This morning I was invited to join a group of women driving from NB to MA for this:
I did a little number crunching and spoke with Hubby, and if he can get the day off of work, I'm going.
I cannot begin to tell you how this has lifted my spirits and come at a time when I really needed it. Long before I married and had children I determined to put my relationship with God first in my life, then my husband, then children, then my community and the world. Time passed, and with the children arriving so closely together, it seemed of a necessity that I put them first, then myself (for survival!). Hubby came somewhere after that and God, well, I'd welcome His assistance but didn't seem to have time to go seeking Him out. For the longest time there was no world outside that, and then somehow it crept in, right after children.
You know what? That's not really working for me. How'd my priorities go topsy turvy like that? My life has felt out of balance, all of my relationships lacking. Callings and service seem to be a lot of WORK, where once they were a joy (work too, but there was deep joy in service). Sundays become something to be endured rather than celebrated. Scriptures get dusty from neglect, a testimony dwindles, and peace becomes more elusive.
The big clue has been the anger.
Did you know, I went through a great deal of my life without ever feeling anger? Hurt, frustration, fatigue...but never anger. It snuck up on me a few times when I hit adulthood, but always still at a comfortable distance. I could be analytical about it: "What's that I'm feeling? Must be that anger I've heard so much about. Huh. Better let it go.". Lately though, more and more things just Tick. Me. Off. Sadly, they are most often 3 small sweet things that are just doing their best to make sense of this crazy world. They don't need Angrywoman in their face.
So I've been working on finding my balance; struggling to reopen the door to God and welcome Him back to a centre-place in my life. Because I like my life so much better when I pass it and me over to Him. It's not as easy as it once was. Pride and sloth and plain bad habits have grown in the untended garden of my faith. Roots that dig deep in such a small amount of time and wear me out with the weeding sometimes.
This weekend, this Time Out will hopefully be just that. I remember the boost I used to get from attending youth weekends. I'm so glad it occurred to someone that we women (and there's couples weekends!) need spiritual reboosting sometimes too. I'm glad that my friend thought of me when she decided to fill her van and extended the invitation. I'm glad that we're in a place financially right now where I can actually accept that invitation.
And mostly? Mostly I'm grateful that my God never steps away from me and always provides me with exactly what I need, in the season I need it.