Over the course of my life I've wanted to be many things "when I grow up".
I wanted to be a librarian so I could be around books all day and read to the other kids.
I wanted to be a nurse...until my mom kindly pointed out my unfortunate phobia of needles.
I wanted to be a librarian and started alphabetizing my books (in first grade).
I wanted to be a veterinarian and help sick animals and play with puppies and kittens all day...until my mom reminded me about euthenasia and the growing pet problems...and my unfortunate phobia of needles.
I wanted to be a librarian and carefully printed my name in the front of each of my books and carefully stamped them so they'd be more easily identified if I loaned them out.
I wanted to be a concert pianist, dancer, gymnast, figure skater, cellist...we could never afford lessons in any of those activities, so alas, doomed career choices all (sometimes at night I still dream of being a cellist...or playing bari sax in a big band, maybe for Michael Buble).
I wanted to be a librarian and went to the library after school almost every day and most Saturday afternoons. I loved to just sit in the stacks and breathe. Books have a smell that's a little addictive. Plus libraries are so quiet and peaceful and the people inside them love books, just like me. Good place to hang out.
I wanted to be a doctor and....oh yeah, needles again.
I wanted to be a librarian and managed to become one of the library "helpers" in the elementary school, and loved every single second (especially showing the real librarian how to use the new fangled scanning sytem).
I wanted to be a teacher and inspire young minds to (what else?) read. Reading opens doors and inspires souls I would impart to my (rapt) students. There is nothing in this world that you cannot learn/find/know/feel from a book. I began to haunt the reference section of the library.
I wanted to be a librarian and set up a careful records system of all my books so that they could go into circulation among my friends. My best friend, A, set up a similar system and we swapped books with great frequency.
I wanted to be an EFY speaker and minister to all the youth I could, moving them to lead more God-centered lives with my stirring words and the powerful force of the Holy Spirit that would, of course, fill any room I entered. Besides, my MMB Personality Profile suggested that one of my best career choices would be ministry. (hello, ego? you may think that this is a righteous desire, but have I got news for you...)
I wanted to be a librarian and know everyone in my community and their reading habits. I wanted to read everything that came out first so that I could confidently recommend books to my most voracious readers.
I wanted to be a writer, an author. Fiction, non-fiction, genre, self-help, it didn't matter what. I just wanted to be GOOD. (ok, I still toy with this one, but the lack of original ideas and excessive wordiness pretty much rule it out).
I wanted to be a social worker. But didn't think I'd last long.
I wanted to be a SAHM. What could be a better job than raising your own children in a home filled with joy and love? (in reality? good days and bad)
I wanted to be an editor. If you can't write, the next best thing is to get to work with authors and make sure whatever went to print was their absolute best work. (see wordiness, above)
I wanted to be a lawyer, like the ones on Law and Order. Only the law? Boring! Nevermind.
I wanted to be a psychologist, to help people understand why they were the way they were, why they made the choices they made, and how to heal the pain they lived with so they could live more authentic and happy lives.
Teacher, editor, psychologist...I bounced around on those ones for a while. You can't be a SAHM until you marry, and you should always have a back-up plan, along with some experience and intelligence to bring to the table when trying to tell your children why they need a good education.
I entered university with still torn between teaching and psychology and structured my BA in such a way that I could go in either direction after graduation. By the end, burnt out and pregnant, I was pretty much in the teaching camp. I just didn't have the originality to come up with a thesis or endure years of graduate school. Teachers college only takes 1 year (in Ontario--who knew it takes two in NB? Argh!). The plan was to be a SAHM until the kids were happily established in school, get the teacher's certificate, and the rest would be history.
Well, the baby starts school in just a couple years and I'm constantly being asked what I want to do.
The answer isn't teach. Eventually I hmmm and ahhhh and say that the original plan was teaching, but my heart just isn't there anymore. Where is it? What AM I going to do with myself all day with the kids in school? Getting paid to blog would be lovely. Admin assistant? Transcription? Medical records? (I really enjoy my time here at the computer each day).
I enjoy my SAHM gig and feel that I have a way to go before I get really good at it. Is there something I could do where I could still work from home?
Personal organizer? I love organizing (especially other people's junk!) Psychology again? Business college? What?
Then I read this post and the resulting comments. Library deadbeats! Hundreds of fines! Serial offenders! I was upset. Really upset. So upset. How could they? How hard is it to return your books responsibly? A week later, still thinking about it.
It would seem my inner librarian has awoken.
There's more, but this post is incredibly long. I'll make a second post in a few days. Lots of thinking and revelation in the meantime.